This week’s show is with Eliane Sainte-Marie, the founder of Parenting for Wholeness, creator of the acclaimed Clean Parenting Program where she guides parents in experiencing the ease and harmony she promises is possible in families, author of the book Clean Parenting: the Peaceful Parent’s Essential Handbook, and mother to three wonderful adult daughters. She’s passionate about helping parents raise children who are whole, as well as helping them shed what’s in their way of living from a place of wholeness.
In this conversation, we spoke about one of the main reasons many parents who try gentle parenting struggle and why adding in the missing ingredient of leadership makes so much difference. It’s actually quite magical! What I especially love about Eliane is that she grounds everything she talks about in what’s natural for humans and also what’s she’s seen herself as a parent and as a parenting coach. She’s wonderful! I know you’re going to love her too!
I’d love to know what YOU think about this week’s show. Let’s carry on the conversation… please leave a comment below.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Why is leadership in parenting so important? As Eliane says: imagine if you were moving somewhere with a completely different culture. Or even to a different planet. Picture yourself being there alone, not knowing the language and not knowing any of the local customs; not knowing what is considered rude or might upset people or possibly even make them want to harm you; not knowing how to operate any of their technology or how to operate in their society, organizations, businesses, etc. How would that feel?
And now imagine that you have a local guide who is there to help you acclimate. Would you do whatever you want, or would you check with that trusted person to find out what’s appropriate? Would that person be controlling you or helping you adapt to the culture?
As far as that guide goes, would you prefer someone who is afraid to give you information, who is apologetic and who avoids giving you directions as much as possible? Or would you want someone who knows you well, knows what you already know and what you haven’t encountered yet, and matter-of-factly presents you with the information you need when you need it.
- Find your tribe: Surround yourself with parents who are parenting this way, this stuff is so much easier when we’re not doing it alone! And be very choosy about who you talk to parenting challenges with – Eliane’s suggestion of having a phrase to politely rebuff unwanted parenting advice is a great one!
- Understand your non-negotiables, personal non-negotiables and preferences and give your children clear and benevolent leadership around them accordingly, I love Eliane’s example of crossing the road – almost all of us will know that feeling of guiding children to cross the road safely – it’s that same feeling that informs clear, benevolent leadership elsewhere.
Resources and stuff that we spoke about
- Eliane’s book: Clean Parenting
- What Loving and Effective Parenting Looks Like – an Example from the Huxtable’s
- The Missing Piece In Many Peaceful Parenting Teachings
- A Simple Exercise With A Big Impact: Differentiating Between Non-Negotiables And Preferences
Thank you for listening!
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Thank you!
Lian & Jonathan
I listened to the entire podcast. I heard a lot about what children need, but not about how to give that to them. I went to Eliane’s website and read a lot of people saying they loved her program, but there was absolutely no indication of what the practical components of her parenting philosophy is. The problem is, I’ve tried different parenting philosophies, like attachment parenting, which claims, “If you do all the things we teach you, you won’t have any problems.” But I still had problems with my kids.
Eliane tells us to be the leader of our children, as if this will solve our problems. But what is her response to a child who protests to your leadership? I would have loved to hear her response to that, because in our reaction to our child’s upset is when she learns if she is truly loved and accepted for who she is. It just seems to be a single-minded philosophy, which cannot possibly address all parenting struggles.
“Once somebody steps in and just becomes really clear in their communication with them, suddenly the child just calms down, almost instantaneously.” That is the most ridiculous claim from the entire podcast. I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I practice aware parenting with my children, so I am deeply in touch with myself and my children. We still struggle. To say that all problems will disappear is irresponsible and I think does a disservice to those parents out there who are doing their best and not seeing the results they want. They get the message, “You are doing it wrong!” I beat myself up for years until I found aware parenting and discovered the power of listening to myself and listening to my children, through the laughter and the tantrums and the tears. It hasn’t made our problems disappear, but things are a lot easier, and I can love unconditionally.